If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
