If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize