You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
