I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
