a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As shirtless as possible
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
