I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think my tv is drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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