She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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