I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
