I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
