oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
