I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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