end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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