I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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