we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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