He kissed a someone with a penis
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
