So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ttyl tear gas
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
