Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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