I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize