i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
