I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
