did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
