Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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