my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
