I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
