Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
