i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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