I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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