some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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