***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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