This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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