WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
