Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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