Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
