So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize