I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
