It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I supernannyed him into submission
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
