if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
