Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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