How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
