I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
