He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
