Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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