it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
