get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize