after a month anything with tits is on the radar
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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