Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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