Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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