I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
