they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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