i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Acid is not a monday night drug
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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