What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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