Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
