I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
