and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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