____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
