I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
