Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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