today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
