I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
