i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
