Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
