And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize