....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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