I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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