What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
