and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize