Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
